“Never have I dealt with anything more difficult than my own soul.” – Abu Hamid Al Ghazali
There’s no doubt that in this life, we all get confronted with difficulties sooner or later. Just like a famous Islamic quote depicts: “This dunya is not a resting place, but a testing place.” Everyone has a war in themselves. Everyone has their own jihaad. Everyone is being tested by Allah in various ways. Unfortunately, our struggles can not always be compared to a test that is easy to pass. Eventually, we get lost. And most of the time, when all the odds seem to be against us, we even start questioning ourselves, we neglect our own needs or it gets to the point where we’re just unhappy with who we are. We lack self-love.
But what exactly is ‘self-love’ and is there a limit? What importance does it have in Islam and how does one develop it?
First things first:
– Why loving yourself does not make you vain –
Let’s be honest, we all know at least one person in our surrounding that is completely in love with themselves and we do not find it attractive or appealing in any way. Maybe we hate seeing another person being accepting with themselves while we simply aren’t. Or maybe because we assume that loving yourself means being arrogant.
There is a Surah in the Qur’an which I believe depicts the difference between arrogance and self-love pretty well:
“And walk not on the earth with conceit and arrogance. Verily, you can neither rend nor penetrate the earth, nor can you attain a stature like the mountains in height” [al-Isra’ 17:37]
Vain people are not only of the opinion that they’re “perfect”, but that there is nothing that can top them. The fact that their egos are super high reflects itself in their behavior. There is nothing you can say or do that can make them think otherwise – every little achievement they accomplish is considered a huge step in humanity no one has apparently ever made. Funny enough, these people are often fragile, self-concious and even anxious.
Whereas self-loving people know that they’re not perfect at all. Matter of fact they’ve just come a long way to accept themselves, including the flaws they’re well aware of. I guess you can even say that they’re way happier than vain people.
Next to self-acceptance and self-esteem there is another topic I want to get close to in this blogpost. Something I believe is not talked enough in the Muslim community, something I believe is either getting waved off or just not acknowledged at all.
– Depression –
According to the World Health Organization, there are more than 300 million people in the world suffering from depression. However, it is also important to point out that since depression is a widespread illness, many people also just tend to claim that they’re depressed without any diagnosis. This is because of the ignorance of the actual meaning behind it. Unless you are or have been affected by it at some point in your life, you might be thinking it is just a long-lasting sadness. But it is far more than just feeling sad, and symptoms vary from person to person. Depression sadly is a deadly illness and its urgent treatment is of great importance.
It is just one out of many mental illnesses that is neglected – schizophrenia, bipolar identity disorder, anxiety and and and. Never brought up in conversation, people usually do not even realize that these diseases can go hand in hand. And it’s super dangerous.
In today’s society I do believe that it’s not easy to maintain a healthy mind. Especially young people are affected due to high expectations held by school or college, family and friends. It has become even harder to catch up at things, and as if all of this isn’t enough of a mental burden, we also have a society with unrealistic body image expectations.
So what exactly can we do to actively work against these social issues, especially in the ummah, where all of it is often forgotten?
I made a list:
1. let’s boost each other up instead of tearing each other down
One thing I have sadly noticed – however, not only in the Muslim community – is the way some of us tend to look down on other people. Unfortunately, most of the time it is us women specifically. It is not shocking that jealousy and hatred crawl among us when everything is being turned into a competition (even such things as marriage).
I’m pretty sure that if we actually turned it upside down, we would be more at peace and so would our surrounding. Let’s not compete with each other, but show gratitude, love and acceptance. If someone is at their worst, we shouldn’t be laughing right? So why don’t we try to cheer each other up?
2. salah and du’a
Many people love to claim that praying five times a day can cure depression. And in no way am I saying that this is wrong. However, a lot of people rely on this and follow the advice, eventually giving up praying Salah after realizing that nothing has changed. May it be after a week, a month or a year. They end up being disappointed and no longer believe in the healing-process.
I personally think that Salah holds a great importance when you’re depressed. Because you pour your heart out to Allah. Every single time, I do feel a giant wave of relief. Especially when I’m in Sujood I feel the closest to Allah. I actually even feel like this is the only time Someone listens to me, Someone who actually knows what I really think or feel. You don’t get the same impression when talking to your mother or even a therapist for instance. Because how could they exactly know?
However, Salah did not immediately help me. Based on my own experiences, I hate to admit that I had times where I often felt even too depressed to pray. It was too much. I had days when I couldn’t get out of bed. My body felt weak because I hadn’t slept properly for days.
For this reason, I think it’s important to point out that when you give someone the advice of fulfilling their five daily prayers, you should be realistic. “Just pray!” is not enough for someone who might be already praying. It’s demotivating. Instead, make clear that Allah chooses the right time for them to heal. Having faith and Sabr are two major elements in the healing process.
On top of that, the very famous assumption that a Muslim will never feel depressed is a major lie. Depression is a test given to you by Allah, and it’s an illness that can affect any lives. Whether Muslim or not.
3. ways to build up self-esteem
I have to admit this is the hardest of them all. I noticed that a low self-esteem does not only affect the way you feel about your outer appearance, but it also has a great influence on how you get your daily tasks done – or how you do not get them done at all. Actually, your self-esteem determines your potential. If you believe in yourself, you can do anything. It is the corniest saying in the world but it is without any doubt true.
So how do you boost your self-esteem?
A very wise person once told me the first step is accepting characteristics you yourself consider “poor”, may it the way you look or the way you simply are. Whether you’re a quite or a loud person, thick or skinny, tall or small. Easier said than done, but that’s just the way it is. Imagine a huge green field with many flowers. Now think about how these flowers are all the same. And then imagine them all being different. Each one of them. Which field do you think is more outstanding? Exactly.
One thing that has helped me was definitely making notes about myself. What do I like about myself? What have I achieved that makes me proud? What do others like about myself? You’d be surprised to find out how even the smallest things about you can hold great importance.
Raising my voice is another thing that has helped me a lot. I’ve come to the point where I just tell people how I really feel about them. When I feel like someone is using me for their own profit, or someone is being crucial and rude towards me, I let them know. I’ve always been the type of person to just play the bigger one by being nice. Now I know that my feelings are more important to me than theirs. I confess that it makes me anxious sometimes to just bluntly get my message across but once I do it, it makes me feel way stronger than before.
4. lastly, Allah is not disappointed with you
Being depressed actually also means feeling guilty for no reason. You feel guilty when you’re with friends, you feel guilty when you’re with your family. You feel guilty when you’re in university for not understanding some things, you feel guilty because you spent too much time in bed, because you couldn’t get things done that you’ve set on your to-do list. And that’s just fine. But the feeling of guilt eats you up. Especially when you think about Allah. What did you do today for His sake? Whatever you’ve done, you feel like it wasn’t enough.
Funny enough, this feeling of guilt is like a mind trap. It makes you feel like trash even though you didn’t do anything wrong. I personally even believe that it comes from the Shaytaan himself.
But if there is one thing you have to keep in mind it is the fact that He loves all of His creations. You’re His creation. He has given you all of these characteristics. He has thought about you wisely. About every little detail. You can’t change the way you are, but you can love the way you are and more importantly, you have control over how you perceive things and how you change the energy that surrounds you.
You are not your thoughts.
And for this reason, I wish that we talk about depression and self-love way more often in the ummah. To make everyone aware that if self-love is lacking, depression kicks in and depression does not mean having taken distance to Allah but needing Allah’s help to get back to life. And that is okay.
esraordinary.wordpress.com 